Image by Wonkette Operative “Stein Olsen”
Now that Donald Trump has declared himself the Republican Nominee, High Pooh-Bah, and All-Father of the World (Dilute! Dilute!), it’s time for him to start Acting Presidential, so he gave a Very Serious Foreign Policy Address today. How serious was the speech? A PBS preview informed us the whole spectacle would be
dressed with the trappings of gravitas. It will be held at Washington’s stately Mayflower Hotel (after a last-minute location change blamed on “overwhelming interest”) and will be presided over by Zalmay Khalilzad, a former U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan and Iraq, according to the campaign. Trump is expected to use a teleprompter, despite the fact that he has mercilessly mocked his rivals for doing the same, declaring at one point: “If you’re running for president you shouldn’t be allowed to use a teleprompter.”
Ooh, maybe this was Trump’s much-anticipated “exit strategy”? Now that he’s used a teleprompter, he’ll have no choice but to drop out, to be true to his word, because he is a man of honor? Sadly, it was not to be.
We also got this important advance expectations-lowering advisory:
Of Trump’s plans for combatting the Islamic States specifically, Phares said, “He’s not going to say ‘we’re going to send three brigades to do the job.’ No. He’s going to confirm the principle that ISIS should be destroyed so that the other political settlements can work.”
Gotta be able to surprise the bastards, by, say, invading Denmark when they least expect it.
Trump began by starting the festivities a half hour late, just like a real president. He had some really cool introductory phrases about shaking the rust off American foreign policy, which has been nothing but sheer chaos under Barack Obama. “‘America First’ will be the major and overriding theme of my presidency,” he said. He briefly reviewed the entire history of American foreign policy, which began with America whipping the Nazis and Japanese in World War II, and culminated in Ronald Reagan making Gorbachev tear down the Berlin Wall. Since then, everything has been terrible, and Barack Obama created ISIS by being so weak.
Trump then explained 1) We’re trying to do too much around the world, and we’re overextended 2) we’ll make our allies pay their fair share for defense. Trump got through these pretty quickly.