Depending on what kind of magazines you read, you probably see lots of things advertised. From prescription drugs to age-defying face creams, vitamins to weight loss supplements, magazines have their staples.
The staples give way to more demographically direct advertising in magazines that cater to a specific hobby, profession or special interest. A bicycle magazine has ads for helmets and cool sunglasses; a hiking magazine pushes boots and backpacks.
It’s pretty simple, you market to your base of readers. What then will you find advertised in a magazine for right-wing, misogynist, ammosexual Teabillies?
Hold onto the bar in front of you and keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times, you’re in for a wild ride.
The five most ridiculous things right-wing nut jobs buy out of the NRA’s magazine America’s First Freedom.
5.) The Cool Red Dot:
Looking to not only look cool carrying a gun but be cool as well? With The Cool Red Dot you can transform your handgun into something out of an action movie in no time.
Imagine the dismay of the criminals you encounter daily as you train the Cool Red Dot on their chest, neck or head. You’ll be the slickest good guy with a gun in town.
4.) A Bullet…And A Knife!!!
I mean come on! It’s a bullet…and a knife! As if bullets weren’t cool enough, this handy little tool is good for opening dry rations, pulling ticks off your pitbull, carving your initials (or confirmed kills, wink wink) in your gun stocks or saving countless lives when your firearm isn’t so readily available.
You’re a hero…Outfit yourself like one.
3.) The Misogyny Ring
It used to be when that purdy lil’ thang you let do your dishes and make you sandwiches wanted a piece of green jewelry you had to spend some of your hard-earned cash on an emerald. Not anymore! For under a hundred bucks you can get some cooked ash and food coloring and give her something special.
Don’t let this one pass you by; it has a strange effect on womenfolk, if you get our drift!
2.) Carry Like A True Christian!
Don’t just carry a weapon, carry it with Christ. Nothing says “I’ll smoke you, thug!” quite like a firearm kept close the heart of Jesus himself. The bible says…things…about killing people…and stuff, so when you’re ready to take the law into your own hands, do it knowing the power of the Lord is behind you.
1.) The Racism Lamp.
Now you can proudly display your racism for all to see, cleverly hidden in this decorative lamp. Celebrate nearly four whole years of treason and pro-slavery inspired mayhem that culminated in the deaths of a million Americans. General Lee sits atop his steed with that ever-infamous “what the hell did I get myself into” look on his face beneath a glorious display of Confederate standards that have no meaning to anyone but southern racists and high school kids who think it means “rebel.”
As a special bonus it comes with a free lightbulb! Not one of them new-fangled energy-efficient ones neither. A good old-fashioned 75 watt incandescent from Walmart is all a true patriot needs.
A stunning addition to any collection of bigotry.
The bulb arriving unbroken or in working condition is not guaranteed.
Make sure you act quickly. These all American items are sure to sell out fast, and it takes almost a month to have more shipped from China.
God Bless guns, men, stupidity and racism.