Ummm, okay, Sarah. Nice pinwheel hat, too.
Anyhow, Robertson is a simple man and he had a simple message for the crowd. “Get godly.”
What does that mean, you ask? Well, Robertson suggests starting out by putting Bibles back in classrooms, because if you do so, children might think twice before shooting up their schools. “Education is useless without the Bible,” he told the assembled. Certainly, the Bible has been immensely useful in “science” classes where they study the origins of the universe, and have creationism shoved down their throats, as it is now in several states.
4. Iowa GOP senate candidate: UCSB Shooting was an “unfortunate accident.”
Joni Ernst, an Iowa state senator who is a frontrunner for the nomination for U.S. Senate, is a proud gun owner. So proud, she ran an ad of herself at a shooting range symbolically aiming at Obamacare. That’s how tough she is. When she was asked about the tastefulness of that ad in light of the Santa Barbara killings, she called them a “tragedy” that in no way affected her firm “commitment to the Second Amendment,” because nothing ever does affect a gun nut’s commitment to the Second Amendment, ever. Especially the way they misconstrue that amendment to mean everyone should have as many guns as they want, or more.
Pressed again, Ernst referred to the Santa Barbara murders in a way that absolutely no one else in the entire world has referred to them: as an “unfortunate accident.”
An accident? How so? Oh, maybe she means it was accidental that her tasteless, asinine ad ran just before the mass murder. We wonder. Maybe Mitt Romney, who hit the campaign trail with Ernst the next day will explain.
5. Sarah Palin revives the lie of “death panels” for the VA scandal.
The little wheels in Sarah Palin’s head are always a-turning, and lately she’s been cranking them up about this whole Veterans Administration healthcare scandal. She met up with Fox’s Sean Hannity at the Republican Leadership Conference this week, and together they came up with a way to describe the problem that miraculously revives a lie Palin was telling about Obamacare five years ago. “Is the VA a death panel for many?” Hannity asked her. Crazily enough, Sarah ran with that idea. Even farther than Sean thought possible.“That is what government-run health care will result in,” she said.
There was more fun to be had with this one. Like Hannity pointing out that prisoners at Gitmo get better care than veterans. It takes quite a few doctors to hold down a hunger-striking inmate and force-feed him, after all. Who doesn’t envy the prisoners in Gitmo?
To follow that, Palin asserted, based on nothing: “In many respects, illegal aliens in our country today are receiving better health care, more benefits than some of our troops.”
That’s right, illegal aliens and Gitmo detainees are getting the gold-plated bedpans, as Wonkette says. The rest of us real Amurricans: annual physicals with death panels.
Speaking of which, we need to schedule ours.
6. Bill O’Reilly doesn’t get why Megyn Kelly doesn’t realize that inequality is a “fabricated, political thing.”
It’s a world gone mad when your one fellow Fox Newsian turns all Marxist on you by admitting that inequality is an actual thing, with numbers and everything to support it. Megyn Kelly actually said this week on Fox News that the issue of income inequality “is a good one for Democrats because there is no question that it exists.”
“It’s always existed,” Bill O’Reilly shot back.
“It’s worse now that it’s been since 1920, according to the stats,” Kelly pointed out. “Both parties agree with that.”
Well, tough. Because Bill O’Reilly does not agree with that. And whose side is Kelly on, anyway. “You’re buying into this fraud, Kelly, and I am very disappointed, so listen to the master.”
Yeah, what evil left-wing mastermind is controlling Megyn Kelly’s brain? When O’Reilly clearly demonstrated that “inequality is a myth” because Megyn Kelly herself worked her way up from the bottom. Kelly pointed out that not everyone had the advantages of education and the two-parent home she had. “You can’t get out of this inequality situation by saying it doesn’t exist,” she said.
A non-insane statement on Fox? The end times are near.
7. Pat Robertson: Have sex with your husband to reward him for doing the dishes.
Men only do dishes for one reason. If you said it’s because the dishes are dirty, you’re wrong. They do it for sex. Same for vacuuming, laundry, cooking, scrubbing, picking up socks. You get the idea.
That is why, Pat Robertson counseled a “700 Club” viewer who wrote in this week, she must reward her husband with sex if he does the dishes.
“You’ve got to understand the male psyche,” the preacherman preached. “The male wants to do something for his wife. He wants to provide for his family, he wants to provide a home, he wants to provide shelter, and food. That’s what he feels his male obligation is. And when he cleans up, it’s saying, I love you.
“If you understood that,” he continued, “you say, ‘Darling, I’ve got a treat for you… wait until we get behind closed doors, and you’ll see the treat I have for you.’”
His co-host, another one of those women who apparently is under the mistaken belief that keeping the house neat is everyone’s job, had a hard time suppressing a laugh. But Uncle Pat did not understand her laughter. Silly woman. Don’t you know anything about the male psyche?
8. Birther Jerome Corsi wants Obama impeached for immigration reform—Because, why not?
Right-wing conspiracy nutcase Jerome Corsi has a wonderful resume. You could say he “birthed” the birther movement. And hasn’t that greatly enhanced the national dialogue? Since the birther thing didn’t really work out in terms of getting Obama impeached, Corsi’s taking a new approach to dislodging the president he loathes: immigration reform. Sure, that will work.
A quick review of his other attempts. In September, Corsi and TeaParty.org put out a video demanding Obama’s removal from office, mainly because the president was considering U.S. involvement in Syria, but also abortion, LGBT rights, and immigration “amnesty.” So, basically everything. This was a resounding success.
In December, Corsi was at it again with two more calls for Obama’s impeachment for the treasonous act of Obamacare. Then three weeks ago, TeaParty.org called for Obama’s impeachment over the “Benghazi scandal,” which is just ongoing. Just keep throwing stuff at that wall. Something will stick.
Now, Corsi and TeaParty.org have a new, or a newly recycled, rationale for demanding the president’s ouster: his push for comprehensive immigration reform.
Such reform is just a thinly disguised, diabolical scheme to give undocumented immigrants all of our money, Corsi believes. Not even the fact that Obama has overseen record levels of deportations has won over Corsi and his merry band of nitwits.
No, foreign-born Obama obviously wants to turn the good ole U.S. of A. into a Spanish-speaking, welfare-seeking paradise, for criminals, of course, probably with “ cantaloupe calves.”