Tag Archives: Jerry Sandusky

December 11, 2012 · 1:40 AM

Top Ten News Stories of 2012 That Turned into Jokes

Very funny.  Thanks Will Durst…

Alternet

2012 should not under any circumstances be confused with the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of 2012. They are as different as red satin cummerbunds and Liar’s Dice. Duck liver and Spanish moss. Matched pearl necklaces and motorcycle handlebars.

For those of you itching to point out that some stories, especially those involving death, destruction, devastation and disaster are not proper subjects for this sort of fanciful folderol; way ahead of you. Totally agree. Exactly why the Aurora, Colorado movie theater massacre, Hurricane Sandy, Jerry Sandusky and the movie John Carter failed to make the cut.

Also left off the list are a few of the fiendishly frivolous footprints despoiling the sands of this annum horribilis such as Lindsay Lohan’s continuing struggles with sobriety, that curious craze called Gangnam Style, the introduction of the iPhone 5 and Facebook’s roller coaster IPO.

That said; here they are, the key stories from the past year providing the purest opportunities for major mocking and scoffing and taunting as determined by the executive council of the Comics, Clowns, Jesters & Satirists Union.  Me.

10. Donald Trump. Assumes figurehead post of Birther Movement. Then refuses to shut up all year long including several embarrassing tweets on Election Day. An ever- gushing political comedy material fountain with all the grace and elegance of tumbling dumpsters.

9. First Presidential Debate. Turned what was becoming a slam- dunk into a horse race. 70 million Americans tuned in. But for some unknown reason, President Obama was not among them.

8. The entire GOP primary campaign. Party plays Candidate Whack- A- Mole for five months. Everybody takes turns beating Romney like a red headed stepchild, including some folks who aren’t even running.

7. London Olympics. Ann Romney’s horse Rafalca competes in Dressage. Event where the horse and the rider perform predetermined movements. Like interspecies dancing. Which you would think would be illegal in Utah. But horse fails to medal and probably gets shipped home strapped to the fuselage of a 747. McKayla Maroney remains unimpressed.

6. Vice Presidential Debate. Joe Biden goes all Malarkey on Paul Ryan. Two words- decaf. Bold Choice Ryan blames Obama for GM plant closing in 08. Fails to implicate POTUS in fall of the Roman Empire. But just barely.

5. Barack Obama comes out in support of gay marriage. Emerges from his own personal policy closet like a butterfly emerging from a conflicted cocoon.

4. Mitt Romney vows to get rid of Big Bird losing him pivotal pre- adolescent vote.

3. Democratic National Convention. Specifically Bill Clinton laying out the precise reasons why America should re-elect as President… Bill Clinton.

2.  Republican National Convention. Specifically Clint Eastwood upstaging the nominee’s acceptance speech by getting into an argument with an empty chair. Which he proceeded to lose. Probably upset him so badly he rushed back to the hotel room where he got into a squabble with his armoire.

1. Mitt Romney. All the charisma of a plastic picnic fork with three of the tines snapped off. May have run the worst campaign ever. And that includes New Coke, McCain/ Palin and France in 39.

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November 28, 2012 · 8:47 AM

It Gets Worse for Mitt Romney as He is Named the Least Influential Person of 2012

Oh well, if one acts despicable their entire adult life, this is what might happen…

PoliticusUSA

Apparently, Mitt Romney hasn’t hit rock bottom yet. Romney has gone from being one of only two men vying to be president to being named the least influential person of 2012 by GQ.

Mitt Romney beat out such luminaries as Amanda Bynes, Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer, Lance Armstrong, Madonna, and George Zimmerman to win the title of GQ’s Least Influential Person of 2012.

Here is how GQ described Romney, “Was anyone inspired by Mitt Romney? Did anyone vote enthusiastically for Mitt Romney? Of course not. Voting for Romney is like hooking up with the last single person at the bar at 4 a.m. The only successful thing he did this year was embody every black stand-up comedian’s impression of a white person. Thank God the election’s over. No more endless photos of Mitt staring winsomely off-camera with that attempted smile on his face. No more glaring campaign mishaps week after week after week. No more labored media efforts to make him look like anything other than Sheldon Adelson’s pampered money Dumpster.”

At first, I wasn’t sure if I agreed with this reasoning. I mean Romney did manage to become one of the two finalists to be the next President of the United States of America. That has to make him more influential than Amanda Bynes, right?

Not really. Mitt Romney spent six years of his life running for president. In those six years can you name one original idea or policy proposal that he came up with? Just one. You can’t, because Mitt Romney spent nearly a decade planning and running for president without adding a single new idea to our national discourse. Some people called Romney an empty suit, but his problem was an empty mind.

Then, there were the gaffes. Mitt Romney’s self inflicted wounds were so severe that he made Sarah Palin look like Stephen Hawking.

Romney spent the entire 2012 campaign being the least popular nominee in modern American political history. Not only was Romney completely devoid of ideas, but people felt historic levels of dislike for him. One of the great oddities of Mitt Romney’s 2012 campaign was that the more voters saw of Romney, the less they liked him. (At this point Republicans will point to the October public opinion polls as proof that Romney was liked, but as we found out on Election Day, the national polls were overestimating the Republican makeup of the electorate.) The writing was on the wall in state polls of places like Ohio and Pennsylvania, where Romney remained more disliked than liked.

Mitt Romney was such a turn off to voters that his political convention actually gave his opponent a bounce in the polls.

Continue reading here…

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October 10, 2012 · 11:25 AM

10 things you need to know today: October 10, 2012

The Week

Romney says he won’t pursue abortion laws, Toyota recalls 7 million cars, and more in our roundup of the stories that are making news and driving opinion

POSTED ON OCTOBER 10, 2012, AT 8:13 AM

 

Toyota has recalled more than 7 million cars because of malfunctioning power window switches that could cause fire.  Photo: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

 

1. MITT PROMISES NO ABORTION LEGISLATION
Mitt Romney said Tuesday that he would not pursue any abortion-related legislation if he were elected president. “There’s no legislation with regards to abortion that I’m familiar with that would become part of my agenda” ,  he told the The Des Moines Register. Romney did say, however, that he’d reinstate a policy banning nongovernmental organizations from using federal money to pay for abortions. Romney’s campaign team immediately sought to downplay the remarks. “Gov. Romney would of course support legislation aimed at providing greater protections for life,” said spokeswoman Andrea Saul. [Associated Press]
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2. TOYOTA RECALLS 7 MILLION CARS
Toyota Motor Corp. announced a massive recall of more than 7 million cars on Wednesday due to malfunctioning power window switches that could pose a fire risk. The recall affects nearly 2.5 million vehicles in the U.S. The recall is on a variety of models over multiple years, including the Yaris, Corolla, and Camry. No accidents, injuries, or deaths have been reported, and the windows can be fixed in about 40 minutes, said the Japanese company. [Reuters]
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3. SANDUSKY GETS SENTENCE OF 30 TO 60 YEARS
Former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky has been sentenced to 30 to 60 years behind bars for the serial molestation of young boys. Judge John M. Cleland said the punishment guarantees Sandusky, 68, will be in prison for the rest of his life. The disgraced coach gave a rambling speech declaring his innocence. “We’re in the fourth quarter,” he said. “In the fourth quarter, you find out who will stand by you. For those standing up for me, we will continue to fight.” [Philadelphia Inquirer]
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4. MENINGITIS DEATH TOLL CLIMBS TO 12
Four more deaths are being attributed to an outbreak of meningitis linked to contaminated steroid shots, bringing the number killed in the U.S. to 12. Lawmakers are calling for stricter regulation of pharmaceutical companies. The number of those infected has climbed to 121, and health officials say as many as 13,000 received the tainted injections. The Massachusetts company that produced the steroid has closed voluntarily and has recalled its product. [Reuters]
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5. ISRAEL’S NETANYAHU CALLS FOR EARLY ELECTIONS
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, hoping to take advantage of high favorability ratings, announced that he would hold elections in early 2013 instead of October of next year. Netanyahu argued that an early vote was necessary because his coalition government cannot pass a national budget. “It is impossible to pass a responsible budget,” Netanyahu said. “Facing two upheavals around us, economic and security, it is my obligation to put the national interest above all else. Therefore, I have decided that the good of the state of Israel requires holding elections now.” [Wall Street Journal]
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6. TWO AMERICANS WIN NOBEL PRIZE IN CHEMISTRY
Americans Robert Lefkowitz and Brian Kobilka won the 2012 Nobel Prize in chemistry for their work showing how body cells respond to stimuli. Their work has helped the development of more effective drugs, said the prize committee on Wednesday. [Reuters]
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7. TALIBAN SHOOTS 14-YEAR-OLD ACTIVIST
A 14-year-old girl in Pakistan who blogged about life under the Taliban and the need for girls’ education was shot by gunmen as she was coming home from school. The extremist group took responsibility for the attack  that left Malala Yousafzai wounded in the head and neck. A Taliban spokesman declared, “This was a new chapter of obscenity, and we have to finish this chapter.” Pakistani lawmakers have condemned the attack. [Associated Press]
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8. SURVEY: 1 IN 5 AMERICANS HAS NO RELIGION
The fastest growing religious group in America is actually those with no religion at all, according to a new Pew survey. Approximately one in five people said they are not affiliated with any religion, up 25 percent from five years ago. Thirty-three million Americans say they aren’t religious, with 13 million in that group identifying themselves as atheist or agnostic. [CNN]
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9. RUSSIA FREES ONE JAILED PUSSY RIOT MEMBER
One member of the activist punk band Pussy Riot was freed from prison on Wednesday after the three jailed members asked a Moscow court to overturn their two-year sentence for protesting against President Vladimir Putin. The court left the sentences in place for Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, 22, and Maria Alyokhina, 24, and issued a suspended sentence  for Yekaterina Samutsevich, 30. The trio argued their performance outside a cathedral was a criticism of politics, not religion. [Associated Press,Reuters]

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10. SARAH PALIN TO WRITE  FITNESS BOOK
Sarah Palin writing a book about getting fit? You betcha. The former Alaska governor and 2008 vice presidential candidate told Peoplem agazine that she and her family want to educate America about maintaining a healthy lifestyle. “Our family is writing a book on fitness and self-discipline focusing on where we get our energy and balance as we still eat our beloved homemade comfort foods!” she said, adding, “We promise you what we do works.” [People]

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July 23, 2012 · 9:46 AM

NCAA Comes Down Hard On Penn State

Image: Penn State football players Derek Moye, Quinn Barham, Devon Still, and Drew Astorino enter the field prior to their NCAA football game against Nebraska in State College

 

Ouch!

NBC Sports College Football via Associated Press

Sanctions include $60 million fine, 4 -year bowl ban, vacating wins from 1998-2011

The NCAA has slammed Penn State with an unprecedented series of penalties, including a $60 million fine and the loss of all coach Joe Paterno’s victories from 1998-2011, in the wake of the Jerry Sandusky child sex abuse scandal.

Other sanctions include a four-year ban on bowl games, and the loss of 20 scholarships per year over four years.

NCAA President Mark Emmert announced the staggering sanctions Monday at a news conference in Indianapolis. Though the NCAA stopped short of imposing the “death penalty” – shutting down the Nittany Lions’ program completely – the punishment is still crippling for a team that is trying to start over with a new coach and a new outlook.

Sandusky, a former Penn State defensive coordinator, was found guilty in June of sexually abusing young boys, sometimes on campus.

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February 3, 2012 · 12:50 AM

Komen’s $7.5 Million Grant to Penn State Appears to Violate New Policy

Remember, the reason the Susan G. Komen Foundation gave for cutting off funding of Planned Parenthood:  Due to a new rule implemented by their new conservative Senior Vice President of  Public Policy, Karen Handel.

Handel’s decision to  pull funding of about $600,000 per year to Planned Parenthood for the purpose of breast cancer screening for poor women came about  allegedly because they are being “investigated” by government authorities.  (Which actually turns out to be one Congressional Representative, Cliff Sterns (R-FL) who has yet to hold a hearing on any matter regarding Planned Parenthood.  Thus, nullifying any notion of an “investigation.)

Meanwhile, compare and contrast: The Susan G. Komen Foundation gave $600,000 per year to Planned Parenthood and gives $7.5 million per year to Penn State who is in fact under investigation.

Handel says this is not about politics. Yet it wreaks of politics on so many levels.

There’s something not quite right in Komen Foundation Land…

Mother Jones

Susan G. Komen for the Cure, which recently announced that it is ending grants to Planned Parenthood for breast cancer screening because of a controversial investigation launched by an anti-abortion Republican congressman, currently funds cancer research at the Penn State Milton S. Hershey Medical Center to the tune of $7.5 million. Like Planned Parenthood, Penn State is currently the subject of a federal government investigation, and like the Planned Parenthood grant, the Penn State grant appears to violate a new internal rule at Komen that bans grants to organizations that are under investigation by federal, state, or local governments. But so far, only the Planned Parenthood grants appear to have been cancelled.

An internal Komen memo written by President Elizabeth Thompson and obtained by Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic states that if “an applicant or its affiliates” is under investigation “for financial or administrative improprieties by local, state or federal authorities,” then “the applicant will be ineligible to receive a grant.” Penn State, the Pennsylvania university that the Hershey center is affiliated with, is currently under investigation by the federal government over the sexual assault scandal involving former assistant coach Jerry Sandusky, who has been indicted on multiple counts of sexual abuse of children. In 2008, the Komen foundation awarded a five-year, $7.5 million grant to the Hershey center to study treatments that could reduce the risk of breast cancer.

Komen suddenly claimed a new rule prevents them from donating to any organization under investigation by a governmental body, this rule is not being applied to any other organization and insiders say it’s being used as an excuse to cut funding from Planned Parenthood.

Under the Jeanne Clery Disclosure of Campus Security Policy and Campus Crime Statistics Act, university officials are required to “issue a timely warning if a reported crime represents a threat to the campus community.” The Department of Education announced that it was investigating Penn State over possible Clery Act violations last November, and a Penn State spokesperson told Mother Jones that the investigation is ongoing. The Komen foundation has not yet responded to a request for comment.

Komen’s founder, Nancy Brinker, is a former Bush administration official who has given almost $200,000 to Republican officials over the years, and Karen Handel, Komen’s top lobbyist, is a pro-life Republican who was elected secretary of state in Georgia. Komen officials have insisted that Brinker and Handel’s right-leaning politics weren’t a factor in the decision to cut off funding, but Goldberg reported that the new grant standards were written as a pretext for denying funds to Planned Parenthood, and that the decision was “driven” by Handel.

Brinker, appearing on MSNBC Thursday afternoon, denied the decision had anything to do with politics.  ”I’m troubled that it’s been labeled as political. This is not a political decision,” Brinker said.

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