Racism

The White Protestant Roots of American Racism

The United States Capitol Building holds a fantastic piece of artwork titled The Apotheosis of Washington. The fresco was painted by Constantino Brumidi in 1865, taking 11 months. The painting was completed at the end of the Civil War, two years after the construction of the dome. It is 180 ft (55 m) above the rotunda floor, covering 4,664 square ft (433.3 m2). The figures in the painting measure up to 15 ft (4.6 m) tall.
Brumidi had previously worked in the Vatican under Pope Gregory XVI, yet worked on a Pagan masterpiece in the United States.
There are a number of different themed sections to the fresco, which highlight different aspects of America and the Greco-Roman gods who rule over them. | http://www.whiteartwork.com/the-apotheosis-of-washington/

The New Republic

The Apotheosis of Washington,” painted in 1865 by Constantino Brumidi, is a fresco of the first president of the United States ascending to the heavens. The goddesses of Victory and Liberty, along with 13 maidens who represent America’s original colonies, flank George Washington; here, he’s elevated to the status of a god (and it’s worth noting that “apotheosis” actually means “deification”). In the 150 years since Brumidi’s last brushstroke, the painting’s characters have borne silent witness to the machinations of the U.S. Congress from the rotunda of the U.S. Capitol Building. When the fresco was completed, four million black people called the United States home but were only that year able to enjoy even the most limited experience of citizenship when the Civil War ended and the Emancipation Proclamation began the process of ending slavery. Of course, Brumidi’s fresco only features white faces.

His painting illustrates the complexities of a nation inextricably informed by the religious ethics of its founders and those who continue to wield power today: Religious white men, ascending to fame on the strength of their ideals. Even those founding fathers—who identified primarily as deists—shared views that aligned with Christian theologies. American society is heavily informed by this religious foundation, specifically in terms of racial injustice, even as religious identification declines.

A recent poll conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute on police brutality showed that between December 2014 and April 2015 the percentage of white Americans who believed that police killings of black Americans were part of a broader pattern jumped from 35 percent to 43 percent. White evangelical Protestants, on the other hand, see the recent homicides as isolated incidents—62 percent of them said that police treat blacks and whites equally. This isn’t an accident of demographics; it springs from the religious framework that undergirds American societal values. To deny the ongoing influence of Protestant ethics is to be willfully ignorant.

The “Protestant work ethic” is a term coined by sociologist Max Weber, whose seminal work, The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism,delineated how links made by theologians between religion, work, and capital laid the groundwork for capitalism. Calvinist theology holds that only an elect few are predestined for salvation from birth, while the rest are damned. The anxiety this produced compelled people to look for hints or signs that they were members of the elect; they believed that material success was among the most notable indicators of God’s favor. Doing the hard work of creating God’s kingdom on Earth through a secular vocation was considered a pathway to God’s grace. The opposite also held true: Just as material success indicated God’s grace, poverty was a sign that you’d been denied God’s grace. In this context, slaves could be both blamed for their own plight and have the legitimacy of their labor erased.

“When the Protestant work ethic was being developed here, many people who were in the country weren’t even considered people and that continues to inform how we think about work,” said Jennifer Harvey, a professor of religion at Drake University whose research includes the intersection of morality in the context of white supremacy. “It cannot see certain kinds of work and labor as real and therefore virtuous,” she continued. It’s easy to be outraged when something as tangible as a video of a man being executed by police surfaces, but more insidious forms of racism still permeate our views of what does and does not constitute valid work—even among those who don’t subscribe to Protestant ethics.

A survey of millennials conducted by MTV showed that only 30 percent of whites reported being raised in families that talked about race at all. Adifferent survey from PRRI in 2014 found that “[W]hile more than three-quarters (76 percent) of black Americans, and roughly six-in-ten Hispanics (62 percent) and Asian Americans (58 percent), say that one of the big problems facing the country is that not everyone is given an equal chance in life, only half (50 percent) of white Americans agree.” An even more comprehensive study of young Americans in 2012 showed that 56 percent of white millennials believe the government “paid too much attention to the problems of blacks and other minorities.” Considering the fact that so many white people were raised in families that erased race by not talking about it at all, it’s not hard to see how the government’s attention to other races could seem excessive.

Dr. Ray Winbush is the director of the Institute for Urban Research at Morgan State University, and he said that his work in Baltimore has recently increased his exposure to racial conceptions of work and goodness. “White people will say, ‘Why don’t you black people pull yourselves up by your bootstraps. This is America, everyone is free to do what they want,’” Winbush told me. “But what was the civil rights struggle of the 1960s if not the greatest self-help movement in American history?” Through the old lens of work as an act that contributes to building God’s kingdom on Earth in a very physical way, the work of political organizing can’t be recognized as a legitimate form of labor. Denying the labor of black Americans reinforces white supremacy.

“The Protestant work ethic that influenced the founding of this country included a belief that the more material wealth you have, the closer you are to God,” said Robin DiAngelo, a professor whose research focuses on how white people are socialized to collude with institutional racism. “So during slavery, we said, ‘You must do all the work but we will never allow that to pay off.’ Now we don’t give black people access to work. Then and now they have not been allowed to participate in wealth building or granted the morality we attach to wealth.” This historical entanglement of property and virtue continues to inform racial views. “Property among white Americans is seen as something to be treasured and revered,” said Winbush. “Black Americans do not view themselves as truly owning anything in America.”

DiAngelo noted that we sing “The Star Spangled Banner” at sporting events and don’t even flinch at “the land of the free” lyric written in 1814, a time when the country was home to millions of slaves. Winbush pointed to the black neighborhood of Greenwood in Tulsa, Oklahoma, that was burned to the ground in 1921 by white mobs enraged by the incredible prosperity blacks had created there. Black attempts to participate in the promise of America are met consistently with this kind of violence. Ethicist Katie Geneva Cannon has written at length about how the institutional denial of citizenship and freedom to black people essentially wrote out the possibility of them ever being seen as virtuous in white society. “The ‘rightness of whiteness’ counted more than the basic political and civil rights of any Black person… Institutional slavery ended, but the virulent and intractable hatred that supported it did not,” Cannon wrote in The Emergence of Black Feminist Consciousness. Through both erasure and ignorance, we continue to deny the virtue and legitimacy of black citizenship and labor.

As we abandon our explicit ties to religion, religious ethics still inform our views of race, prosperity, and even personhood. It’s easy to blame older white Protestant evangelicals for the country’s residual racial strife, even as it represents white America’s refusal to interrogate the source of our worldviews and our tremendous social and political capital.

What is troubling about the fresco in the rotunda is that it functions as a mirror: The Congress those white faces look down upon is 92 percent Christian and 80 percent white. George Washington and his cohort of virtuous states are enshrined above so, theoretically, we’ll forever remember the virtuous, godly work of “protecting freedom.” Meanwhile, the black human lives whose uncompensated work built America’s prosperity—and the Capitol building—with their blood, sweat, and tears are consistently forgotten.

Alana Massey

Texas Republican Uses Ethnic Slur To Describe Child Victims Of Hurricane Katrina

 

Texas state Rep. Dennis Bonnen | (Harry Cabluck/AP)

Liberaland

A Texas state legislator used the term “coonass” in reference to Louisiana children who had to attended school in the Lone Star state after Hurricane Katrina hit.

Video footage was released of Texas state Rep. Dennis Bonnen making the comment during a state government hearing, while comparing the cost of educating children from Louisiana after Hurricane Katrina to the cost of educating children from Central America arriving on the United States border, The Times Picayune reports.

“I want to be clear — a Katrina child is far different. We can make jokes and pick on Louisiana and it’s fun and all that, but it’s a hell of a lot different bringing a kid over from Louisiana than a child who’s just made a treacherous journey,” Bonnen said, according to a video from Progress Texas.

Bonnen went on to say, “There’s a significant difference. We had to have a teacher who could do coonass in English, but here we have to do Spanish and English, maybe, and there’s a higher marker.” (KS: Emphasis are mine)

“When you make a deliberate comment like that, how can I not get offended as a Acadiana American?” State Sen. Norbert Chabert said, who represents the Houma area.”It’s insulting to our accent. It’s insulting to be called that by someone from out of state.”

Barry Ancelet, a professor of Francophone Studies at the University of Louisiana said,  “coonass” is never appropriate to use.

“Whoever said this ought to be derided as the racist that he is,” Ancelet said. “If he had any sense of decency, he would apologize.”

Watch:

Think Progress reports:

The term “coonass” refers to people of Cajun descent. It is considered an offensive slur by many Cajuns, and Dictionary.com describes it as a “vulgar slang term” that is “used with disparaging intent and is perceived as insulting.” The Louisiana Legislature formally condemned the use of the word in 1981. In 2007, University of Alabama football head coach Nick Saban used the word while telling an anecdote, and prompted national news coverage that led to a public apology.

On an aside: When Katrina hit, my family fled New Orleans with most of them ending up in Lafayette until it was safe to return. The people there rallied around and helped others who were escaping the devastation. The people he refers to as “coonasses” had more compassion for others than this jerk. God bless Lafayette.

 

Now read this:

Tenn. cotton gin boss caught on tape: We ‘hang’ blacks for drinking ‘white people only’ water

Marrio Mangrum filed racism charge against cotton gin (WREG)

The ignorance and backward thinking in some parts of the country is just unbelievable.  Yet it’s that same ignorance and that same demographic that gives the POTUS so much trouble.

The Raw Story

A cotton gin in Memphis, Tennessee is facing a federal discrimination complaint after one of its supervisors was caught on a cell phone recording making racist remarks to black employees.

African-American workers at the Atkinson Cotton Warehouse this week described to WREG treatment that evoked cotton’s historic connections to racism and slavery.

According to Antonio Harris and Marrio Mangrum, their boss at the cotton gin longed for the days of Jim Crow, when white men could “hang” black men for drinking from the wrong water fountain.

“He would be like, ‘You need to think like a white man,’” Mangrum recalled.

“He pulled his pants down in front of us and told us to kiss his white tail,” Harris explained.

After enduring months of racist comments, Harris decided to use his cell phone to record an attempt to drink from a water fountain in the warehouse.

“I need to put a sign here that says ‘white people only,’” the supervisor says in the recording.

When Harris tries to use the microwave, the boss tells him he is not allowed to use it because “you are not white.”

“As a white man, we don’t even let Larry use it,” the boss notes in reference to a black employee who had worked at the cotton gin for over 10 years.

The supervisor goes on to lament that that blacks and whites are no longer kept separate in the United States through segregation.

“Back then, nobody thought anything about it,” he opines. “Now everybody is made to where to think it’s bad.”

“Put your sign on the wall then, because I am feeling to drink it,” Harris asks. “What would they do when they catch me drinking your water?”

“That’s when we hang you,” the supervisor warns.

Harris said that he thought about the racist treatment “every day of my life.”

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) was working to mediate a settlement with the Atkinson Cotton Warehouse after Harris and Mangrum filed a discrimination complaint.

An employee of the cotton gin told WREG that the supervisor had been on vacation in recent days, but he had not been fired.

Watch the video below from WREG, broadcast June 2, 2014.

“Damned Dirty Ape!” Politico Blasts Black MSNBC News Anchor Via Twitter

Melissa Harris-Perry Jim Coughlan

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I first read the headline to this story.  WTF?

News One

Jim Coughlan (pictured), the controller of Dutchess County, N.Y., who is running for a state Senate seat, fired off a bigoted tweet aimed at MSNBC political commentator Melissa Harris-Perry (pictured). “Keep your dirty stinking paws off my kid you damned dirty ape,” he tweeted. Coughlan is insisting that he did not know his target was an African-American, according to the New York Daily News.

Coughlin claims his fiery remark was in response to Harris-Perry’s comments about child-rearing. Harris-Perry, who has been in the center of the right-wing noise machine, has promoted the idea of how society needs to think in a collective manner about its children. She has expressed in the past how children are not private property and not just extensions of ourselves but how they belong to their communities. Harris-Perry’s parenting comments have ignited a firestorm of anger, with some opponents believing thinks children belong to the government rather than to their own flesh and blood.

Even though Coughlin is adamant that he had never seen Harris-Perry and was unfamiliar with her body of work, he insists that his comment was not racist at all, stating he was just repeating a well-known quote from the film, “Planet of the Apes.”

Melissa Harris-Perry Jim Coughlan

And “Denial” is just a river in Egypt.

Coughlin’s offensive comments did not sit well with Democrats or even some Republicans; some have already distanced themselves from him.

Democratic Dutchess County legislator Gwen Johnson told the Daily News, “As an African-American woman, I find this very insulting and appalling.”  The politician went on to say that even if Coughlin did not know Harris-Perry was Black, “You should know what you’re tweeting about and who you’re tweeting about.”

One Republican politician spoke about Coughlin’s track record and how many in his camp feel he could keep them from regaining a Senate seat they long-held up until two years ago. “Jim Coughlin is toxic,”  said the unidentified Republican. “The Democrats are dying to run against him in November because they know he’s the best chance they have of keeping this seat in Democratic hands.”

Meantime, Coughlin has suspended his Twitter account after folks lashed out about his controversial tweets. The very conservative Coughlin balked at the criticisms, calling them, “A new low by the Albany insiders who are scared of my candidacy because they know I’m not going to be a patsy in the Senate. It’s despicable! They’re trying to get me to drop out.”

North Carolina officers busted for sharing racist video game about shooting ‘wetback breeders’

FreakOutNation

The Department of Justice has accused deputies at one North Carolina sheriff’s office of sharing a video game that allows the player to kill pregnant immigrants and other “wetbacks.”

Documents filed by the U.S. Department of Justice this week indicated that deputies, including some in leadership positions, in Alamance county emailed links to the video game, The Associated Press reported on Wednesday.

“Captain Mario Wiley emailed several other ACSO employees a link to a game premised on shooting stereotypical Mexican figures, including pregnant women and children, as they attempt to cross the U.S. border,” the document explains. “Blood splatters on the screen as the figures are shot, and the final screen of the game shows how many ‘wetbacks’ one has killed.”

The Justice Department also found that deputies told each other racist jokes while discussing the video game over email.

“Sergeant Darryl Myers and Lieutenant Wesley Anderson each forwarded an email joking that when Davey Crockett saw ‘hordes of Mexicans’ approaching the Alamo, he asked ‘are we having landscaping done today?’” the motion notes.

“Makes you feel better anyway, I did my part today, I kept several from coming over!!!” one deputy allegedly wrote after killing virtual immigrants in the game.

The Justice Department argued that Alamance County Sheriff Terry Johnson’s failure to stop deputies from sharing the game was part “a total lack of discipline for expressing anti-Latino sentiment.”

In December, the DOJ filed a lawsuit against Johnson after two studies determined that Hispanic drivers were six times more likely to be stopped in Alamance County. Lawyer for the DOJ moved on Monday for a summary judgement, saying that the volume of evidence made a trial unnecessary.

Watch the video below from WFMY, broadcast March 5, 2014.

Zimmerman Defender Blamed “Hacked” Twitter Account For Racist Comments, But Here’s The Audio

Zimmerman defender, Frank Taaffe

From where I’m sitting and having watched Frank Taaffe on Nancy Grace during the Zimmerman trial, this lying creep is actually projecting, when he talks about Black people…

Media Matters – Oliver Willis

Frank Taaffe, who has been an outspoken defender of George Zimmerman and Michael Dunn in the media, told HLN’s Nancy Grace that racist comments attributed to him were “not true” and were a result of his Twitter account being “hacked.” But previously, Taaffe justified the comments and audio evidence of those comments are available online.

On the February 14 edition of HLN’s Nancy Grace, host Nancy Grace asked Taaffe to explain his comment that “the only time a black life is validated is when a white person kills them.” Taaffe said it was “not true” that he had made the comment and claimed he had a “pending lawsuit” against Mother Jones magazine, which first publicized them.

Mother Jones told Media Matters that it has not received any documentation or correspondence from Taaffe that would indicate that a lawsuit was underway.

When Mother Jones originally confronted Taaffe with his comments, he did not deny them. He told the magazine, “I have freedom to opine on current social issues, and I’m not going to be restricted,” and added, “I’m merely echoing the suppressed voices in this country that have been beleaguered by affirmative action and crimes committed by that particular group of people.”

Grace asked him about another comment he made: “That minority group, they don`t do anything productive for this country except for the NBA. And if it wasn’t for the NBA, Joe, like I always say, our country would have the world`s tallest garbage men, OK? Thank God for the NBA.”

In response, Taaffe shook his head and said, “That`s not my Twitter account. That`s some time from years back. Someone hacked into my account.”

But in an appearance on the white supremacist internet radio show Standing Our Ground (which he co-hosted), Taaffe can clearly be heard making the statement that Grace presented.

Go to Media Matters for full recording…

Link to Taaffe’s Oprah Winfrey comment…

On another episode of the program, Taaffe referred to talk show host Oprah Winfrey as a “nigger” who “keeps trying to promote her boy Obama.”

Taaffe has often appeared in the media to defend Zimmerman, and continued to be booked as a guest on cable news even after his racist commentary first became public.

A representative from CNN emphasized to the Southern Poverty Law Center that since Grace confronted him with his statements, he has not appeared on her program and that she was not previously aware of them.

On his Facebook page, Taaffe said, “I will not do Nancy Grace anymore,” adding, “I dont get paid shit to put up with her shit.”

Wall Street Journal Op-Ed Bemoans The End Of White Rule In The United States

Joseph Epstein – (Provocateur)

Shocked…but what did I expect from a Rupert Murdock publication, Kumbaya?  

Think Progress

There are a lot of problems in Washington, D.C these days, but not many solutions to them. Inefficiency, an allergy to cooperation, and stiff resistance to pragmatism have all ground the federal government to a stand-still. But one op-ed contributor to the Wall Street Journal knows what the real problem is: not enough rich, white men.

In Saturday’s paper and online, author Joseph Epstein mourns the collapse of what he describes as the “genuine ruling class, drawn from what came to be known as the WASP establishment,” (WASP, the commonly-held acronym for White, Anglo-Saxon Protestant). Instead, he argues, we are living in a meritocracy, governed not by an elite subset of the uppermost crust of society but rather by a group of people who overcame some kind of adversity and achieved success thanks to their own merits, not based on what family they were born into. This, according to Epstein, is a tragedy.

Epstein’s embrace of white privilege (or is it power?) is almost too transparent, resembling something closer to satire than to outright racism. And yet he gives no reason to believe that he isn’t completely serious when he argues that modern day “corruption, scandal and incompetence” are hallmarks exclusive to this new era of non-white rule. Or when he memorializes the virtues of keeping those not born into the “WASPocracy” away from the halls of power. Or when he faults the leadership of the country’s top colleges for its role in ending white rule by “lessening the number of legacies automatically admitted, and using racial preferences to encourage the enrollment of blacks.”

Instead, Epstein argues, we should return to an era of WASP rule. Why? Because rich, white men born into rich, white christian families would never lead the country astray:

A financier I know who grew up under the WASP standard not long ago told me that he thought that the subprime real estate collapse and the continuing hedge-fund scandals have been brought on directly by men and women who are little more than “greedy pigs” (his words) without a shred of character or concern for their clients or country. Naturally, he added, they all have master’s degrees from the putatively best business schools in the nation.

Thus far in their history, meritocrats, those earnest good students, appear to be about little more than getting on, getting ahead and (above all) getting their own. The WASP leadership, for all that may be said in criticism of it, was better than that.

Epstein’s contempt for minorities — namely, that they don’t belong anywhere near positions of authority — isn’t reserved simply for race. Back in the 1970s, Epstein penned a story for Harper’s Magazine in which he expressed his desire to “wish homosexuality off the face of this earth.” He added, of his four sons, “nothing they could ever do would make me sadder than if any of them were to become homosexual.” Those comments led to sit-ins and protests outside of Harper’s offices, and Epstein has never apologized (and in fact dismissed his critics, some 30 years later, as simply incapable of understanding his own “textured thought”).

Perhaps that explains why Epstein reserves so little space (50 of his 2200+ word essay) to the shortcomings of WASP rule: he simply doesn’t care that many of the leaders from his idyllic “WASPocracy” looked the other way on issues of racism, homophobia, poverty and inequality when they were in power.

And while the U.S. Senate — historically the wealthier and less diverse of the two chambers — may not be sufficiently white for Epstein’s liking (only 95 percent of U.S. Senators are caucasian), they still do a very good job of tending to the needs of their fellow rich people instead of the needs of middle class and low-income families.

So, What Happened To The PR Exec Who Tweeted White People Can’t Get AIDS?

Post image for So, What Happened To The PR Exec Who Tweeted White People Can’t Get AIDS?

Using Twitter can sometimes get you in a heap of trouble…if you are a caricature of a ding-bat…

The New Civil Rights Movement

Justine Sacco sent a horrific tweet from London just before boarding a plane to Cape Town, South Africa yesterday. By the time her flight was over, so was her career. Yes, Justine Sacco has been sacked.

Sacco, at the time the head of Public Relations for IAC, one of the world’s largest internet companies, tweeted:

“Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!”

IAC is home to major corporations, including Match.com, Vimeo, HomeAdvisor, Chemistry.com, the Daily Beast, OK Cupid, Dictionary.com. UrbanSpoon, Ask.com, and  dozens of others.

Sacco even described herself as a “troublemaker on the side” in her own Twitter bio — an account that has since been deleted.

Justine Sacco (JustineSacco) on Twitter-1

 

Once her tweet was seen by some of the internet’s most powerful, like Buzzfeed’s Andrew Kaczynski, it was only a matter of minutes for it to literally be seen around the world.

Sacco’s name was quickly scrubbed from her employer’s website, even before her plane landed. An Archive.org cached copy of the page from September clearly shows her name used to appear on that page.

In a statement to The New Civil Rights Movement, IAC this afternoon wrote:

The offensive comment does not reflect the views and values of IAC. We take this issue very seriously, and we have parted ways with the employee in question.

There is no excuse for the hateful statements that have been made and we condemn them unequivocally. We hope, however, that time and action, and the forgiving human spirit, will not result in the wholesale condemnation of an individual who we have otherwise known to be a decent person at core.

One enterprising individual in Cape Town who goes by the name of @Zac_R on Twitter, decided to actually meet Sacco when she landed. He even spoke with her father, whom he says reminds him “of the many (often racist) South Africans I met while living in Australia, who couldn’t embrace change.”

Here are a few more insightful tweets he sent last night:

 

 

And indeed, JustineSacco.com has been registered to Aid for Africa, “a unique partnership of some 85 select charities, all dedicated to solving the complex, inter-related challenges facing Sub Saharan Africa.”

So, at least something good has come of what was deemed the worst tweet of all time.

 

WAPO COLUMNIST SMEARS INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE!

richard cohen

WASHINGTON, DC – FEBRUARY 20: Exterior view of the Washington Post building on L street on February, 20, 2013 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Bill O’Leary/The Washington Post via Getty Images) | TDB

Some people are stubbornly myopic when it comes to accepting *social norms.  However, Cohen’s article is pure vitriolic dribble.

The Huffington Post

Richard Cohen Writes Yet Another Racist Column

Richard Cohen is back at it again, this time with incendiary comments about interracial marriage and lesbians.

In his November 11 column in the Washington Post entitled “Christie’s tea-party problem,” Cohen said that the GOP has had trouble embracing some of the country’s cultural shifts. He wrote:

Today’s GOP is not racist, as Harry Belafonte alleged about the tea party, but it is deeply troubled — about the expansion of government, about immigration, about secularism, about the mainstreaming of what used to be the avant-garde. People with conventional views must repress a gag reflex when considering the mayor-elect of New York — a white man married to a black woman and with two biracial children. (Should I mention that Bill de Blasio’s wife, Chirlane McCray, used to be a lesbian?) This family represents the cultural changes that have enveloped parts — but not all — of America. To cultural conservatives, this doesn’t look like their country at all.

deBlasio campaign ad…

*In fact, according to a Gallup poll conducted earlier this year, 87 percent of Americans approve of interracial marriage between blacks and whites.

30 Tips to being a better racist on Twitter

Picture

Hilarious satire for Twitter “racists”.

Norm Schriever

Racists, it’s your lucky day.  Not just because Nina Davuluri, a woman whose family is of Indian descent, won the Miss America pageant yesterday, leaving your razor-sharp mind to compose xenophobic tweets with wild impunity.  (Sorry, let me link the big words to Dictionary.com so you can look them up: Impunity.  Xenophobic.  Ok, we’re back on track.)  It’s not your lucky day just because of THAT, but because I’ve decided to help you become a better bigot via Twitter.

Frankly, your Twitter racism game is weak, judging by some of the examples I’ve seen.  You can do better, and you’re sloppy, ill-conceived tweets are letting down your pure-blooded brethren, leaving white hoods shaking in disappointment all over social media this morning.

So I promise that by following these constructive tips you’ll be a much better racist on Twitter, making your whole homogenous family proud (including your cousin who is also your sister.)

Here are 30 tips to being a better racist on Twitter:

1.    Tweeting “Go back to (insert country name here)” doesn’t really work when your family came over to this country in recent history, too.  Unless you’re Native American, maybe leave that one alone.

2.    Don’t use cute emoticons when posting racist tweets – it just sends mixed messages, like smiley faces and napalm.

3.    Try to be original when using stereotypes in your tweets.  For instance, India = 7-11, or India = dot head is a little played out.  Maybe try a Slum Dog Millionaire reference?  Or that comedian from Parks and Recreation is pretty funny?

4.    Twitter only allows 140 characters, so just type “#White” instead of “#Merican,” because that’s what you really mean.  Saving those 2 characters will help you get RT’s.

5.    Tweeting that it’s dishonorable to anoint an Indian-American Miss America so close to 9-11 is absolutely correct, but only because if we waited a month the pageant could be held on Columbus Day – a REAL ‘Merican hero!

6.    America is a continent, not a country – in fact it has two continents!  Did you know there is a North America and a South America!?  That’s right, so what you really mean is “The United States.”  But to stick with the ‘Merica theme, we can start calling it: ’Nited States.

7.    A quick history lesson.  It went like this: the land we now know as the ‘Nited States was first home to Native Americans, Vikings, Eskimos, English, French, Spanish, Mexicans, and Pacific Islanders in recent history, and then we came and started squatting.  But let’s ignore all of that and just pretend we sprouted directly from this soil.

8.    If you’re called out for posting racist tweets, don’t ever apologize.  Ever.  And if you do, make sure you’re not sincere and certainly don’t learn anything from it.

9.    We’re having some geographic confusion, so please refer to a world map.  Note that India is not in Egypt, over 2,000 miles from Iraq, and has nothing at all to do with Indiana.

10. Indians are not terrorists.  In fact, they are always on “our” side.  You probably got them confused with those OTHER brown people, who make up about 90% of the world.

11. Al Qaeda is not a country.  And there is no “u” after the “q.”  I know, I know…they’re backwards.

12. White people, please stop laying out in the sun and going to tanning booths.  It’s confusing the hell out of me.

13. I completely agree that Indian dancing has no place in our modern ‘Nited States.  We need more authentic Caucasian dances to class it up a bit, like Miley Cyrus twerking.

14. “They” are not taking our jobs.  You have a crappy job because you didn’t pay attention in school and you’re lazy.  So if you want a better job, go out and earn it the old fashion way: by murdering and exploiting less powerful brown people for material gain.

15. Did you know there are #White people in other countries around the world, like Russia, Canada, and even South Africa?  That will make it extremely confusing when a white Russian American, for example, wins the Miss America pageant, rendering all of our “anti-‘Merican” slander useless.  But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

16. When you call Asian people “PF Changs,” please keep in mind that it’s all white people eating there.  Those lettuce wraps are delicious!

17. The majority religion in India is Hinduism, not Muslim, but either way we don’t want “them” in our country, so let’s all pray for an end to religious freedom.

18. These damn incompetent, un American, immigrant, ethnic politicians are going to be the end of this country!  So please continue the outrage not to reelect Arnold Schwarzenegger.

19. The ‘Nited States does not have an official language, but don’t let that stop you from tweeting that everyone who lives here needs to speak English.

20. A tweet like “A brown-skinned Miss America?!!!  What’s next – people marrying three goats?!” might be a little bit of a leap.  Try to throw a gay marriage reference in there as a stepping stone, so we can better follow your logic.

21. Racists – you’re spending so much time tweeting about the damn Indian Arab terrorists, that you’ve completely forgotten about razzing the Jews, blacks, ‘MoSexuals, handicapped people, Japs, Democrats, draft dodgers, environmentalists, and people who drive hybrid cards.  Spread the hate a little – there’s plenty to go around.

22. Try not to tweet about homosexuals ruining our country and then go home and watch lesbian porn.  It still counts, even though it’s women.

23. When someone accuses you of being a bigot, saying “But some of my best friends are brown-skinned Miss America contestants,” doesn’t really work.

24. Black people and women – it’s especially awesome when you send racist tweets since you’re not that far from being on the receiving end of horrible discrimination, yourselves!  Well done!

25. Please use proper English when composing hateful tweets.  For instance, “Dese people don’t even speaks English #WTF #FML #OMG #GoBackToYourMommasCuntry,” needs to go through the spell check at least once.

26. To add a little zest to your ignorant tweets, sprinkle in these words in any combination:  Osama, Obama, Yo Momma, Al Quadea, Al Jazeera, Al Sharpton, Baghdad, Bag Head, Benghazi, Saddam, Saudi Arabia, and Susan Sarandon.

27. Whenever possible, add “We’re number 1!” to your tweets.  Number 1 at what, you ask?  Don’t worry about it – just put it in there.

28. Remember that we’re the greatest country in the world because we’re a melting pot of inclusion, so let’s keep as many people out as possible before they ruin that.

29. I agree that the term “racist” is totally overused, flung around with such reckless disregard that it’s been rendered meaningless.  The term ‘asshole’ works much better.

30. Maybe you shouldn’t tweet about your patri-racism at all, considering Saudi billionaire Prince Alwaleed bin Talal is the majority shareholder in Twitter.  Oops.  We didn’t see that one coming.

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