Talking to people who religiously watch Fox News is better than space travel. You get to see what life is like on another planet without the risk of explosive decompression. But if you’re a Fox News devotee and insist that the rest of the world is crazy, this list is for you. Please, get help.
You might be watching too much Fox News if:
1. You are OUTRAGED at how Obama has shredded the Constitution but can’t name any rights you’ve lost since January 20, 2009.
2. You think record breaking cold weather in the middle of winter disproves “Global Warming.”
3. You think record breaking cold weather in the middle of winter disproves “Global Warming” but record breaking heat waves in the summer are just a fluke.
4. You hate Obama for the almost 1700 American lives lost in Afghanistan under his watch but have no idea how many died in Iraq before he took office (Hint: more than 4000).
5. You call Afghanistan “Obama’s War” but ignore the entire first eight years of it.
6. You think there’s no way Chris Christie knew about the scandal unfolding in his own office but Obama clearly knew what a small IRS office in Cincinnati was up to.
7. You think 4 Americans dying in Benghazi is “the worst tragedy since 9/11.“
8. You denounce Bill Clinton as an adulterer but give a pass to David Vitter and Mark Sanford because they apologized.
9. You are both convinced Obama is a secret Muslim and still go into a frenzy when someone mention Rev. Jeremiah Wright.
10. You really do think Obama is a secret Muslim terrorist that drinks beer, eats pork, attended church for years (ARRRGH! Rev. Jeremiah Wright!), had his daughters baptized, had bin Laden killed and has had more terrorist leaders assassinated than every president before him combined.
11. You think bin Laden was responsible for 9/11 because he ordered the attack but Obama gets no credit for bin Laden’s death because he only ordered the attack.
12. You swear that Obama is coming for your guns.
13. You’ve been swearing that Obama is coming for your guns since before he was elected.
14. You swear that Obama has actually reduced your right to own guns but you can’t explain how.
15. You have ever used the phrase: Obama’s Katrina to describe something that was not the bungled response to a major natural disaster.
16. You’re positive Obama isn’t a true Christian but then got mad he had too many Christmas trees (no, seriously, that was a thing).
17. You think Muslims are terrorists and religious fanatics but think protecting gay kids from bullies is an attack on your religious beliefs.
18. You constantly complain the liberal media takes things out of context but you’re deeply offended that Obama said “You didn’t build that.”
19. You think that ACORN stole the 2008 election. Maybe the 2012 one as well.
20. You think “voter fraud” is an actual problem but can’t explain how cutting early voting stops it.
21. In 2009, cutting the $1.4 trillion deficit in half was the most important thing in the world but in 2014, you could care less about how much the deficit was cut (Hint: in half).
22. You hate Obama for not having served a day in the military but voted for Mitt Romney.
23. You think Obama is the laziest president ever for taking so many vacation days but “forget” that it’s less than a third of his predecessor.
23a. Never mind how many days he took, the president shouldn’t take vacations during a time of crisis!
23b. Never mind that Bush took vacations during two wars and a recession! Obama is spending tax payer money to loaf about!
23c. I said WHO CARES that Bush took more than three times as much vacation time? It only counts when the black guy takes a vacation!
24. You think Obama embarrassed America by bowing to other heads of state but forgot about this:
25. You think Obama is terrible for the economy while the stock market continues to hit all time highs.
26. You think the stock market hitting all times highs doesn’t mean the economy is improving but you still believe in Trickle Down Economics.
27. You claim you don’t believe in Trickle Down Economics but insist that increasing taxes on the rich will hurt the economy.
28. You’re outraged OUTRAGED at Obama for not unilaterally launching a full scale war on Iran but call him a warmonger for joining an international coalition to stop a massacre in Libya.
29. You think Obama is “dumb.”
30. You really think a Harvard graduate is “dumb.”
31. You really seriously think a Harvard graduate and a former president of the Harvard Law Review is “dumb.”
32. You think Obama hates white people which would include his white mother and the white grandparents that raised him to be President of the United States.
33. You think Obama is a criminal mastermind that has broken dozens of laws involving thousands of government workers but no one can actually prove anything.
34. You think Obama is an absolute idiot who has broken dozens of laws involving thousands of government workers but no one can actually prove anything.
35. You think Climate Change is a vast liberal conspiracy to destroy Capitalism.
36. You claim evolution is a liberal hoax but still take your kids of their yearly flu shot.
37. You claim science is just a religion but do not think twice about boarding an airplane.
38. You think the private sector can completely replace government investments but you’re OUTRAGED Obama ended the Space Shuttle program.
39. You think using a teleprompter means you are stupid. But only if you happen to be the president. It’s OK for everyone else.
40. You think being asked to drink an extra glass of water a day is tyranny.
41. You think being asked to do more community service is tyranny.
42. You think being asked to help the poor get health insurance is tyranny.
43. You think being asked to let women choose to use birth control is tyranny.
44. You think being asked to respect other religions is tyranny.
45. You think being asked to leave homosexuals alone is tyranny.
46. You think being publicly shamed for your racism is tyranny.
47. You think not allowing criminals and the mentally ill to buy guns is tyranny.
48. You think allowing everyone to vote is tyranny.
49. You think Obama exercising his constitutional authorities is tyranny.
50. You grew up in America and think you actually understand what real tyranny is.
Talking to Fox News viewers is better than space travel. You get to see what life is like on another planet without the risk of explosive decompression.