Andy Borowitz is hilarious!
One day after Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) stirred controversy by withholding funds for tornado relief, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) took the extraordinary step of declaring Rep. Cantor a disaster area.
Within hours of the declaration, FEMA officials were dispatched to assess the damage to Mr. Cantor’s status as a human being capable of empathy.
“I’ve seen a lot of hurricanes and tornados, but this is something new,” said FEMA spokesman Tracy Klugian. “Rep. Cantor appears to have been caught up in a moral vacuum.”
While concerned FEMA officials looked on, the morally ravaged House Majority Leader took to the floor of the House to make the case for denying funds to repair himself.
The FEMA spokesman said that the agency was currently trying to estimate the cost of rebuilding Mr. Cantor’s soul.
“Quite frankly, I’ve never seen devastation like this,” Mr. Klugian said. “It’s like there’s nothing there.”
Related articles
- This Just In! (themoderatevoice.com)
- Billy Long Refuses To Answer Question About Eric Cantor’s Warnings About Federal Help For Joplin (duanegraham.wordpress.com)
- Eric Cantor Doesn’t Care About Tornado People (passthedoucheys.com)
- After String Of Disasters, FEMA Fund Gets A Boost (npr.org)
- Rep. Eric Cantor: Any Disaster Relief Funds Must Be Offset With Spending Cuts Elsewhere (mediaite.com)
- Gabrielle Giffords Comments on Eric Cantor’s Intelligence (kaystreet.wordpress.com)
- Cantor: No Disaster Relief without Cuts (drudge.com)
- Eric Cantor Is An A#1 Prick (angrydd.wordpress.com)
- Eric Cantor’s Callous Indecency: Another “Joseph Welch Moment” for the GOP (dailydamocles.wordpress.com)
Cantor is a walking fucking disaster.
And remember … these people call themselves pro-life.